I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about what I want in life. With Ari, with Sara, with work, with family and friends. What kinds of things do I want to bring into the world? Which successes matter?
In college, a lot of people had a hard time adjusting to some new realities: in high school, they’d been kings. Valedictorian, captain of the football team, star of the musical, student body president… (and more than a few people were *all* of those things). In college, with a couple thousand other kings, they discovered that reality didn’t match their self-image. They couldn’t be best at everything, and maybe not even at anything.
I’d never really been best: never the smartest kid (even at the eight-student Heschel School, there was someone smarter, and in high school I wasn’t even close to being tops), never best at an activity (my debate partner Amol kind of carried our two-man team, and definitely did 95% of the work), etc. So college wasn’t much of an adjustment. Same same. No big blow to the ego.
Today I saw an excerpt from the new Omar bin Laden (Osama’s fourth son) book, about his dad.
“My father was accustomed to being No. 1 in everything he did. He was the most skilled horseman, the fastest runner, the best driver, the top marksman. Many people found my father to be a genius, particularly when it came to mathematical skills. He was so well known for the skill that men would come to our home and ask him to match wits against a calculator. He never failed…. I believed [my father] to be not only the most brilliant but also the tallest man in the world. In truth, I would have to go to Afghanistan as a teenager to meet a man taller than my father.”
My conclusions:
1. I am not Osama bin Laden.
2. Maybe part of his psychosis has to do with a need to prove he’s the best. Maybe he’s just not done proving it.
3. Maybe the Buddhists are right and desire is really the root of all trouble.
4. Sons really, really love their fathers. (Ari, if I ever go on a terrorist killing spree I give you permission not to idolize me.)
Where should a person leave his or her mark? What should a person want to want? Not to prove they are #1 in all things, for sure. To know they are one of many, and looking for that thing that they and they alone can bring to the world. That’s one reason family matters so much: only you can be the father, mother, husband, wife, son, daughter, cousin, uncle, grandfather, grandmother, stepson, father-in-law, etc. in your family, and nobody else can be best at that. As for other things to want… need to think about that some more. There are definitely some things beyond family that matter, that only you can bring into the world.
Shula, please no comments on this post.
P.S. The future is here. I wrote this post (and posted it) while on a plane. And then I video chatted from my seat (11D). My quality of life just went up 15%.
